The biggest reason I am on my own path

 I know when I first came upon Filianism and Madrianism, I felt at home. I felt that, finally, I had a place where I could build a path up the mountain to God Herself. I had foundation, ritual, and steps I could take.

I then began delving more and more into the writings and interpretations of the original Madrians and later Filianists. This is where I came to find that...I found consternation, frustration, and confusion. Why would some interpret scriptures in this manner? Why would you frame spiritual growth in such a framework as to sound out of the mouths of conservative evangelicals? Why frown so much on science and evolution of all things?

I learned very quickly that a majority of the Madrians were heavily influenced by Traditionalism, the likes of Rene Guenon and his ilk. While I was familiar with perennial philosophy and thought I had agreed with it, I was not familiar with Traditionalism. I read and became familiar, and then it clicked why the Madrians wrote such articles and dedicated books whole fantastical worlds; and I was, in so many words, let down.

My views on the Perennial Philosophy much more align with Aldous Huxley, and those of Universalism; while humans with their various religions, philosophies, and spiritualities may differ, there is a thread of continuity that we all can grasp. There is indeed a hidden Pillar of Truth, attainable by all as we all have that spark of the divine within us; if we did not, we would not exist. God breathes the universe, creation is ongoing and unending until such time as God breathes in. Life would not exist if God did not exist, if That Which Is did not permeate all of creation. Thou art That.

God is immanent and transcendent, That Which Is. The great mystery that I have strived to contemplate the entirety of my life, material and worldly concerns aside. 

So what did I do?

I admit to floundering for a while in my spiritual life, I will say. My outward facing life was undergoing tremendous change as well, moving and shifting into a new career. I was in a process of upheaval and anxiety and felt my spiritual foundations shift. But when I landed, I found myself craving a return to the scriptures that brought me peace, the prayers that gave me rhythm. So I thought...what do I do?

I decided to step back in, and work from my framework. Write my own hermeneutics, my interpretations; I may cause consternation within Orthodox Filianism but I also see many driven away by the insistence that the Traditionalist view is the central and more correct one. As such, I created this page. I started reading and writing, sounding out my inner voice and what I truly felt, thought, and believed. I want to approach God in a manner that I found came most natural, expressed as the Divine Feminine, and an ability to work and flow within the more esoteric and mystical path that I am more inclined towards. The Traditionalists did not think that mysticism was the way to approach Deity; I disagree. And I want to show others that a Reformed Madrianism is how I operate and how they can operate as well. 

I want to create a mystical path of a fiery rose heart; Thou art That, the fiery rose of our Mother, in between each layer of being. 

I have a long way to go, but I do intend to stay the course. I do not know which way the path will wend, but it will go deeper and lower into that higher realm of the rose garden. I welcome others to walk with me, especially if you once felt called but also stalled by the words of our foremothers. I am forging a different way, and I am sure I won't be alone.